Böcker av Hermann Observer

Confusius is confused. He is confused about cultural appropriation, for instance. He is also confused about gender fluidity, identity politics, cancel culture, and the diversity cult. Left-wing bullies, Marxist intellectuals, antifa thugs, Black Lives Matter martyrs, Extinction Rebellion rebels and Greta Thunberg activists confuse him too. Postmodern academic deconstructionists confuse him, as do social justice warriors. Sound asleep woke folk confuse him. Our country's systemic problems that aren't systemic problems confuse him, just like radical feminism and intersectionality. Microaggression and safe spaces confuse him too, almost as much as the unsolicited political opinions of confused Hollywood celebrities. He also finds phony oppression and victimhood antics confusing. Illegal immigration really confuses him. Progressive platitudes confuse him a lot too, just like leftist vindictiveness in general and political correctness in particular. Boundless globalization, left-wing overreach, liberal domination in academia and education and our extraordinarily biased mainstream media confuse him terribly, although not as much as having to watch how his fellow citizens, confused like himself, allow themselves to be patronized, harassed, exploited, and silenced by all those above. Most confusing of all, however, is The Great Presidential Election Fraud of 2020. That this could have taken place in the United States of America just won't go into his head. And he is stunned at what followed of course, not confused for once, but genuinely astonished at the jaw-dropping level of confusion the world is now forced to witness in the White House. Confusionism is the result. Confusionism is the answer. Confusionism is the expression of Confusius' confusion. It is a valiant attempt, he says, to come to grips with the demoralizing situation we now face. It is a spontaneous reaction to the turmoil that permeates what remains of the civil society we once lived in. Like the conservatism it stems from, confusionism is not a philosophy per se but a reaction to the excesses of left-wing lunacy now poisoning what remains of our society. It is an attempt to illustrate the senselessness of the liberal "anything goes" culture masquerading as the norm in America today. It is a quiet personal rebellion against the status quo of leftist ideological politics. It aims to strike a blow at the moral condescension progressives use against anyone who refuses to be indoctrinated. The assorted observations which make up this book are a plea for reason, you could say, a cry for help but also a cry of hope. The hope that the disregard for fairness, justice, and the rule of law we see all around us can somehow be checked and overcome. And just who is Confusius, you ask? I am not at liberty to tell you. He insists his identity be kept a secret. All I can say for sure is he is even more emotionally unstable at the moment than he was before the election took place, which is saying a lot. He is obsessed with subjecting complete strangers like yourself to his confusionist views, jokes, and unsolicited advice, spontaneously and repeatedly. I can also tell you that he is not Chinese, even though he pretends to be for some inexplicable reason. His super-dorky and highly inaccurate faux-Chinese-speak is annoying and embarrassing beyond belief but no one can get him to stop. And one last thing I can also tell you is he asked me to pass on his heartfelt wish you will enjoy this book and, with luck, come to share his confusionist confusion. It might just make a difference. He also asks that you never forget there is hope. Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.

Version 2.0 (2023). Much like Chairman Mao's compilation of hilarious witticisms published during Communist China's zany Cultural Revolution back in the day, this little red book is an uproarious collection of pointless nonsense and senseless drivel dedicated to the countless enlightened leftists still annoyingly omnipresent in our present era.Filled with pun-ridden put-downs and wise-ass wordplay, this remarkable anthology offers unenlightened readers like yourself a refreshing alternative to the more conventional fare of lowbrow humor you are undoubtedly accustomed to. It will tickle your fancy with jeering jibes and sarcastic swipes taken at the expense of those who would rule over us as they relentlessly pursue a more progressive and enlightened new world order.

Do you often feel the uncontrollable urge to drive at ridiculously high speeds when out on the freeway? Does that constant, nagging struggle between the opposing sides of your inferiority-superiority complex keep you up at night? Are you brutally direct, painfully precise and sometimes feel like you're speaking a foreign language because no one seems to understand you? Vorsicht (watch out)! You might be German. In that case you won't have any use for this book. Have a nice day.If, on the other hand, you have always been puzzled by odd German Attitudes, Behavior or Cultural practices, then this is the book for you. You are not alone, you see. Nor is there anything wrong with you reacting that way. Your puzzlement is a perfectly healthy and normal human response to the cognitive dissonance and other psychological disrruptions that often dissonate and disrupt when foreigners make unprotected contact with high-grade Germanness. Or at least that's what a specialist in Vienna told me. As Winston Churchill once said, "Germany is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma." Actually, he said Russia when he said that but I'm pretty sure he meant Germany. He was Winston Churchill, after all, and he had been around a bit. I certainly would have said Germany. And I wouldn't, much less couldn't have said it better myself. Germany and the Germans are indeed enigmatic and, well, really weird sometimes. This collection of random personal observations and unsolicited opinion is an attempt to document just that. I cannot guarantee that this list of German oddities is complete, of course. I can assure you, however, that enjoying these oddities in the privacy of your own home is a relatively safe and effective way to partake in the German experience without any of the harmful side effects. Viel Glück dabei (and good luck with that).

Have you ever ordered leather cheese? Have you ever told your cab driver that your hotel is located on One-Way Street? I doubt it. But English speakers trying to speak German say bizarre things like this all the time and I, for one, feel their pain. Acutely, even. They are speaking Dumb Deutsch. And they have no one else to blame but themselves. The German language is complex, treacherous and terribly difficult to learn, you see. Dumb Deutsch, on the other hand, is relatively straightforward and can be learned in about fifteen minutes. This is the problem, of course. And here are some of the shocking results. Please sit back and enjoy this short collection of bloodcurdling blunders, frightful faux pas and grisly gaffes, all in the Dumb Deutsch original. For the sake of fairness, a number of ridiculous errors Germans make when trying to speak English have also been included. Bitte Beachten: Diese Sammlung von peinlichen Ausrutschern und haarsträubenden Fehltritten ist selbstverständlich auch für deutsche Leser geeignet.