Böcker av M David Lutz

The Kingdom of Parking-Lot it is all about relationships, with a few enchanted beings and evil plots thrown in to keep things interesting. While having breakfast on their covered terrace, King Public and Queen Ample Parking were discussing the latest tidings, before attending court that morning. Holding her husband's hand, she said, "Truly, love is in the air.""Really..." replied the king, "I do not smell anything.""Very amusing! It is good to know if something were ever to happen to our fool, you could take over for him.""Exactly! That is what I have been saying. I am sure I could give a better performance than him.""I am talking about Elswyth and Clarence...they are officially engaged.""Well, it is about time! There has been more drama between those two than a Shakespearean play.""As I understand, he asked for her hand on Christmas Eve, and she happily accepted. They are to be married within a fortnight.""Why the rush? Has there been some 'monkey business, ' and now there is a bun in the oven?""No, she would have told me. The couple do not want their wedding day to delay Tundra from going on her journey to Halle-Wood.""That does not mean there has not been any 'hanky-panky.'""Good grief...Parking!" complained the queen. Join in the upcoming festivities in volume seven, or better yet, start with volume one-we'll wait until you catch up, but read fast.

Tundra, now the Queen of the Kingdom of Bargains, while visiting her parents the monarchs of Parking-Lot, received word that her husband King Fantastic was ill and was not expected to survive. She would have to return ready to ascend to the throne if he should succumb. The royal caravan set out with six men from the Order of the Knights Most Sober at the Square Table with the Big Round Lazy Susan in the Center and six women knights from the Order of the Manliest Iron-Girdled Maidens of the Accent Table with a Fancy Doily There Upon It, as Tundra's escorts. Unfortunately, while camped for the night to fix a broken wagon wheel, the knights over indulged as they usually did. This time their drunkenness allowed their queen and Prince Fabulous, her stepson to fall into the hands of Robin Hood and his merry men to be held for ransom."What's ♫ hap-pen-ing? I am Ro 'B' and you can see, ♫ I and my merry homies will be taking everything we can carry. Don't act a fool ♫ lose your cool ♫ draw a knife ♫ lose your life. Just be chill'in, ♫ and there won't be no kill'in." Everyone so enjoyed, Ro 'B', and his Rap, they didn't mind when it came time to drop their valuables in a sack. The merry men merrily worked their way from the front to the back. "Now dudes ♫ and dudesses, me and the boys gots to split, but before we git, you'll be needing to be leaving your seats ♫ cause I'm taking your ride with me." When everyone was standing on the ground, with their worthless bags thrown down, one of the passengers implored."Hey, I thought you were supposed to steal from the rich and give to the poor?" One of the merry men, Little John, answered him."It is a fact, we used to do that, but our management consultant streamlined our process to where now we just rob from the rich until they're poor; much like the way the government taxes the middle-class to be sure."When King Parking, Tundra's father, received a ransom note from Ro 'B, ' Olaf the oaf, Tundra's champion, was sent to get her back again. He was joined by his old companion, Lord Jonathan the Merry, the original Knight in White Satin. Would this dynamic duo rescue Tundra in time to reach her kingdom before her husband died? Read to see how everything turns out. It will be an ending you're not expecting.

Princess Tundra, who was the ugliest and fattest teen in any kingdom, almost succumbed to a flawed beauty remedy. Trapped in a trance caused by a potion, she had gone most of a year without food. Aside from becoming slim, the rare and precious Halle-berry - the only anti-dote, left Tundra with clear, smooth, and tanned skin. She awoke as the very fairest in the land; that is when the term, Beauty Sleep began.'Meredith, the nanny, helped the princess out of bed and into a bath. Her legs were still a bit weak, so she had to be carried; something that before would have been impossible without a dozen servants or more. It was then that Tundra realized she was less than half the girl she had once been. She mustered the courage to have a full-length mirror brought in. She just stood there in shock and awe over the beautiful image she saw. "Is this really me? How can this be? It is as if I am looking at someone else. I am as small as an elf!" She stood there bare in front of the mirror for so long admiring herself, Meredith was afraid she would take a chill and fall ill.'When Snow White's evil stepmother's looking glass fell into the possession of Sheila, (a ravishing brunette, barely twenty-something, anemic, bulimic, former high school cheerleader), and declared 'Tundra' to be the fairest of them all, she became the target of the evil vixen, determine to do her in. Lotsa Linguine, an overweight made man, with various body parts thrown together by an amateur physician, was hired by Sheila to kill the princess.Madge, a part-time prophetess, manicurist, and unlicensed beautician, hired temporarily until the king could find a real magician. While he was asleep during a manicure, on a whim, Madge painted his finger and toenails hot-pink. She was only spared punishment when she started receiving visions predicting harm would come to Tundra.The final vision, '... A fatal punch in the face will be the heir's fate if her hero is too late.' Read to learn what happens.

Jayne grew up in the shadow of her two older brothers, William, and Richard. The brothers were stronger and better at everything, especially their mastery of various weapons. She tried to compete by acting and dressing like them. She distained anything feminine, believing it to be a sign of weakness. Prudence, a friend of the family, had arranged for Jayne to apply for a position as a handmaid for the princess.Jayne was escorted to the princess's chambers. When Tundra appeared, wearing a white gown, Jayne's breath was taken away. She could not believe anyone could look so beautiful. She imagined this was what an angel would look like. Jayne found herself alone with the princess, which greatly added to her stress. Tundra beheld a diminutive, mousey girl who appeared to be slightly older than her. She looked so uncomfortable, in an old dress that poorly fit, and shoes that showed her poverty. Tundra noticed such things, including the shaking of Jayne's hands and feet. There was no question, this poor girl was suffering, but what could Tundra do to ease the tension."You do understand Jayne, if you should fail to answer even one of my questions correctly," Tundra was trying her best to sound as stern as she could, "you will be immediately taken to the dungeon and tortured." That caused Jayne to turn her face toward the princess to give her a steely look of acceptance. Tundra burst into hysterical laughter, holding her belly to keep it from shaking, and continued until Jayne realized the princess had made a jest. Slowly the maiden, started laughing herself and soon they were carrying on like schoolgirls.At the end of the tea, Tundra said, "I will announce my selections tomorrow afternoon, so please be my guest until then." Tundra said, "I enjoyed our tea. Regardless of the outcome I wish the best for you and your family." Jayne looked up into her eyes, for she was at least a foot taller. She went to curtsey, having never had to do so before, losing her balance, knocking over the tea service sending cups and plates into the air, then falling flat on her ... derrière. She did her best to get back on her feet gracefully but was unaccustomed to wearing a gown which made her flop around like a newborn fawn. When she finally became steady, she smiled weakly at Tundra who just stood staring. The attendant led Jayne out of the room. When she entered her chambers, Prudence was there waiting for her."How did it go." Surprisingly, Jayne was only feeling an immense sense of relief knowing that whatever might have happen, due to her disastrous clumsy exit, she no longer had to worry about being selected."All I can say is I am positive ... I made a lasting impression."