Refined Silver

When God called me into ministry, I had a Moses moment questioning if someone else would be better for what he called me to do. You see, I'm more of a Peter than a Paul, I'm a lot, I've been told I'm a lot my whole life. I'm a lot of boldness, a lot of strength, a lot of truth, a lot of mouth but also a lot of heart. My whole life I've been "too much". (Shout-out to all of those who always had report cards that said you talked "too much "). When you're "too much", it can be intimidating to others, it's often a lonely road filled with small rooms incapable of containing your big spirit. When you're "too much" heart, it gets broken often, or you get foot/mouth disease where good intentions lead you to insert foot into mouth without even thinking. When you're told you're "too intimidating ", a word that literally means to frighten or overawe, it can cause you to dim your light to prevent your loud spirit from triggering others insecurities, or worse....being misunderstood. No matter how kind I am, how outgoing, forgiving, or welcoming, my strong spirit is always "too much" for others. So, I thought I was "too much" for ministry, "too much" for God's purpose. Putting my loud spirit on display and exposing the darkest parts of my life was something I never wanted to do, but God had greater plans than my insecurities and loud spirit tried to extinguish.