The Fight For My Life

After playing competitive soccer then college soccer, high school basketball, and being an active adult I had a massive seizure while I was at work at the age of 37. I flew head first into denial until I had 2 more seizures, a dislocated shoulder, and an epilepsy diagnosis. That's when reality slapped me in the face. What am I going to do now? How am I going to cope? Can I cope? What's happening to my brain? Am I going to die? What's happening to my body? I started to lose chunks of weight and used medical marijuana to try and stimulate my appetite and fight off the side effects of the seizure medications. So many questions swirled in my brain every day as I delved deeper into a dark hole of depression and suicidal thoughts. I tried to make sense of what was happening to my once picture perfect life. I wanted answers. I needed to know epilepsy wasn't going to beat me. I needed to know I could win this battle. I knew from my soccer and basketball days that I was a winner but I had never fought a battle that was never ending day in and day out. Can I do this? Am I strong enough? Will my family survive? Can I be the mom my kids still need? How am I going to take back control of my life?