Don't Even Think About It

After months of being subjugated, Mindy von Grettle's epiphany finally surfaces the night she accidentally overcooks her husband's steak. Edward's verbal tirade is coupled by physical abuse. All because his goddamn steak isn't still mooing.

Food becomes Mindy's only solace, with the tranquilizing effects of chocolate topping her list of caloric sedatives. The fatter she gets the less Edward touches her-the only benefit of watching herself morph into a bloated, lethargic caricature of her former self.

Eighteen months of painstaking work and resolve transforms Mindy into a stunner. Completely revamped, she's eager to exact revenge on her abusive, cheating ex. But the SOB robs Mindy of her well-deserved retribution by having a heart attack-in the act of cheating on his new wife.

Paying her final disrespects at the funeral home, she meets a man so breathtaking she's half-tempted to jump his bones right there in the mortuary. But once Mindy discovers vintner Archer Priest's connection to the she-devil she caught in bed with her husband, Archer is taboo.

Her meddlesome but well-meaning boss and best friend, Leo, is determined for Mindy to find the happiness she deserves. Ignoring her protests, Leo concocts cringeworthy attempts at playing matchmaker for her and Archer, planning on hot, steamy, spicy consequences. Instead, his meddling results in a series of embarrassing mishaps, misunderstandings, and a ridiculous masquerade.

Beyond mortified, Mindy, of course, decides chocolatcide might be the only way to manage her topsy-turvy life with as much grace and composure as possible.